I broke up with my scale.
I know. I’m crazy.
Someone who is all about being healthier, losing weight, getting into better shape, and being the best version of herself is breaking up with her scale.
How do I measure progress? Encourage others? Know if I’m healthy or not?
My question for you is this: how are any of those things tied to your scale weight?
Healthier is not based on minimizing your gravitational mass.
Progress is not measured by what you have lost.
Encouragement doesn’t come from a smaller number.
On a personal level…
For far too long, my self-worth has been intimately tied to the number I see on the scale. If it went down I was happier and worth more as a human being. If it went up I was useless, unable to believe in myself and my positive attributes.
At my thinnest, I would stand on a scale 5-10 times a day just so I could see that number go down. Even if it went down by ounces I’d feel good. I was a capable person who couldn’t do wrong.
I became obsessed with getting my weight down to 140 pounds. Why 140? It was what I weighed the day I graduated from high school when I was 17 years old.
See some flaws in that goal?
It didn’t consider what was best for me. I didn’t consider my current activity level. It didn’t consider my mental health. It didn’t consider the person I’ve become in the last ten years.
These last few months I’ve tried very hard to convince myself that I am not a number. I am not a single measure of my existence. I focused on how I was feeling and whether or not my hunger was emotional or physical.
But still, if I stepped on a scale and saw that the number went up I would stop eating. If I stepped on the scale and saw that the number went down I would start eating, and usually keep eating.
Last week I battered myself for putting on two pounds. And I got sick of the negative mental energy I was fostering.
I put my home scale away and I walk a wide berth around the scale at the gym.
I gave up on self-sabotage.
Not focusing on a number and instead focusing on my workout, my eating, and my emotions has been a relief. I forgave myself for making mistakes and gave myself permission to exist.
The scale does not define my health journey or the progress I’ve made.
A number does not tell me how close I am to reaching an end goal.
Poundage does not tell me that I can or cannot love myself.
This is what I have to say to you.
The scale should not and does not quantify your worth as a human being. It doesn’t tell you whether or not you’re attractive, desirable, or valuable. A number does not define you or represent your wonderful and unique qualities as an individual. It does not validate your life.